While we are getting it out there…..

Now that you have read the post on parental alienation syndrome, we welcome any comments that you have on the syndrome itself or on your own experience. However please do not tell us what we needed to do, what we should have done. The situation is painful enough and to be honest we tried so many different avenues, James is right you can’t possibly speak on it unless you have lived through it.

Though I want to encourage people to handle divorce and children properly.  Children should not hear the other parent bad mouth the other parent. I have women who say to me that they don’t do this, but maybe your not saying that the other person is a jerk, but maybe your letting off subtle cues to your kids that make them believe that you don’t feel the other person is worthy.  You need to understand:

1.  Everyone loves differently. Just because you might express your love in a shopping spree, there are many people that don’t equate love with possessions.  The relationship and love that your child shares with the other parent is important and special and should never be degraded.  The other parent may do things differently from you and you may have an issue with it, but the child should not be placed in the middle.

2. Children should not be messengers.  Children should not be calling the other parent and then putting the other parent on the phone.  If you have a problem with your ex, you need to deal with it. You need to talk to that person while your child is out of earshot.  Likewise letters, emails, comments dealing with the other parent should not be shared with the child.

3. Remember the other person. If your child is not with that parent on their birthday, father’s day , mother’s day, etc, make it a point to call that person and have your child wish them well. Don’t have your child show up empty handed at christmas or even thanksgiving. Letting them contribute will make them feel special and feel like it is ugh … not my time to be away from mom or dad.

4. Be an adult about things. Yes you were hurt, yes are angry.  Trust me all of us that have been divorced have been there, just don’t let it show in front of your kids.  Talk with a girlfriend while your kids are away, go to a support group.

5. Don’t let family members talk bad about the other parent either, or friends for that matter.  I have had many conversations about my family on this one.   Some of my family members have been guilty of trying to alienate.  Family members may seem like they are helping you out by jumping to your side, but really it is the child that gets lost.

6. Contact your local court, they may have a co-parenting class. Encourage your ex to attend it.

7.  Make sure your child is safe, but don’t pry and don’t keep calling while they are away.  Ask important questions but it is not your job to inquire about every single detail while they were away.  Please don’t text them constantly while they are away.

8. Sometimes you have to just accept what the court says. Even if you are unhappy about a decision the court has made, it is not your place to comment on it in front of the children.  Children of all ages should never be allowed to read court documents , nor should they be involved in making them.

9.  If you are going to claim abuse, you better have the evidence to back it up.

10. Remember its ok to move on with your life. It will be better for everyone if you do.