Rants and Raves

To those of you who may read the post below and be confused, it is not directed at any that frequent the blog. James, Max and I are all fine.

Those who are closest to me know exactly who this speaks for

If your looking for fair and equitable you better look for a new job.

I should tell you now that there isn’t much in the world that is fair and equitable. I hate to disappoint you on these things but someone really should tell you. I’m sorry that you left a six year old to try and tell me differently, if you would have read my email and talked to me directly we could have a conversation about equality. You were scared to answer my email because I may have brought up some um..awkward items.  They are no longer awkward for me.

So anyway there was so much in the world that was unfair when you decided everything should be fair. That everything should have been decided 50/50 and most of it was and sometimes the door swung even farther your way because I decided it wasn’t worth the phone call, it wasn’t worth the pain that happened every time that I saw you, in reality it was just stuff and to be honest I didn’t want the stuff that you and I shared or that we called ours because we no longer existed and I didn’t want to look at the stuff that you had left a mark on.

Anyway I accepted eventually the new found freedom I had from you and yes it wasn’t always fair, there were lots of things that were unfair and not just for me. I am sure you would have been satisfied with it being hard and unfair for me, but you never took into account what else you left behind in your legacy. There were lots of times when I was the one that picked up the pieces, that I called off work, where I made sure things were taken care of. There were lots of times and there are still times that I am the one making sure that everything is ok, that some form of a relationship is carved out, that what happened while he was sleeping in infancy is pushed under the rug and he doesn’t witness it first hand.

I didn’t want to go here because I don’t want to think about a time that I had to struggle financially and emotionally and tote a newborn along with me. Yet you have never heard a word about it and to be honest I’ve gone above and beyond what I owed you and I’ve never let infant ears hear about how unfair it was that you choose not to see him for years or the time that you told me that having a child you see once or twice a year sounds like a good child to you.

Yesterday you cried foul because of time spent in the car. I wish that is all I had in years looking back to cry foul about. I’m sorry that you decided to put a six year old in the middle instead of talking to me about it, instead of answering my emails when there were questions in there for you. I hope your superhero cap didn’t get stuck in the door.